One of the most frustrating things we encounter in relationships is feeling unheard, discounted, or like what we have to say doesn’t matter. At the very least, we would like the acknowledgement that we’ve said something. But what we really need and hope for is our partner to hear us, accept our influence, and let us know they care about us and what we have to say. So what makes feeling heard so challenging in a relationship?
As a counselor, I have often suggested my clients try meditating for stress and anxiety, usually to no avail. I am met with several objections, most of which I have also thought about meditation. I decided it was time to find out for myself the benefits of meditation before I suggested it to anyone else.
A few months ago I decided to commit to one year of daily meditation. I am about four months in and want to share some of what I have learned.…read more
While dating, romance comes easily for a lot of couples but may begin to fade over time. Romance and passion are not just for dating couples but for everyone in a relationship. GET BACK your passion for each other. Maintaining romance and passion does take effort, but it’s an effort worth making!
I have been in a relationship with my husband for 15 years, married for 10. The most challenging time to keep romance in our relationship came in the last two years with the birth of our first children, twins. The biggest contributing factors have been fatigue, overwhelm, and almost never being alone together. But children or no children many couples fall out of good habits for lots of different reasons. Use the 10 suggestions below as ideas to increase sparks between you and your mate. Most importantly HAVE FUN!
Have you ever wanted to bring something up to your partner but feared it would turn into a huge fight? Or maybe you have experienced so many bad fights you have given up on the possibility of bringing a concern and it going any other way than bad. It is possible to create the best possible scenario for a positive outcome when bringing up concerns with your partner.
I regularly want to bring stuff up with my husband at the worst possible times, with the worst attitude, tone etc. because I want to bring it up when it is bothering me. I feel a sense of urgency. I repeatedly fell into the trap of “It is not what you say, it’s how you say it.” I have learned over time why this was happening and how to adjust the how and when I say it.
4 Tips to Stop a Fight Before It Starts
Stress seems to continue to increase in our daily lives. “According to APA’s 2012 Stress in America survey, stress keeps more than 40 percent of adults lying awake at night” How Stress Affects Your Health, APA.org. Loss of sleep is just one effect of stress. Stress effects our mood, our relationships, and our ability to be present and enjoy our lives.
I have struggled with managing stress throughout my adult life. Only recently have I began to consistently put into practice strategies that help me keep my stress low and feel more calm on a daily basis. Below are my 10 favorite stress reducers.
It’s not about HAVING time
It’s about MAKING time
Keeping your marriage or relationship strong requires keeping your partner and your relationship at the top of your priorities. Sometimes, I feel I do better at this than others. Often my children or my work are at the forefront of my mind and to do list leaving my marriage…somewhere down the line.
This ebb and flow is normal in relationships, your spouse is not always going to come first. This is why it is so important to continuously make a concerted effort to evaluate your priorities and ensure your marriage remains a top priority, not just in words but in action. Below are three actions to evaluate your priorities and ensure your actions match your words.…read more
Bringing a new baby home is very exciting but usually a lot of stress comes along with your joy. In your relationship it’s important to figure out how to navigate through these new waters together, to feel like partners and know that you will be there for each other throughout this experience.
I am currently expecting baby number three. You’d think having been through this before many of the concerns the first time around would no longer be there. Not so much, I still have most of the same concerns and many new stressors have arrived. Communicating with my husband and knowing he will be there to walk through all of the newness with me relieves my nerves and helps me feel closer to him.
Below are 6 tips to keep your relationship strong despite the stress and nervousness you will both be feeling as your due date draws nearer.…read more
Everyone is headed back to school. This can be a fun but sometimes stressful event for families. This is a perfect time for a couple to practice being partners and working together to help their kids get off to a good start for the new school year.
If responsibilities of school have previously fallen on one spouse or another I purpose trying something new this year. Carrying the weight of all of the responsibilities of having a child in school may cause some disconnect in the family or frustration among one or both partners. Below are four tips to get both parents involved this school year.
All couples experience conflict in their relationship. These conflicts may be minor disagreements or major fights which have left one or both of you feeling angry, disconnected and isolated in your relationship. After a major fight, many people feel so defeated and exhausted the idea of trying to apologize or reconnect seems unrealistic. You may also fear the fight starting all over again, if you try to talk about it. It may be easier to let time pass, let feelings cool off, and sort of pretend it never happened. The unfortunate reality is not repairing after fights, may leave wounds in your relationship only to be reopened again and again with each future conflict.
In the first years of my own marriage, at times, I was the impulsive yeller and found it easy to apologize once I had calmed down. However, it was difficult to be patient when my husband was not ready to talk or forgive so quickly. Gaining a better understanding of my role in the conflict and being empathetic of how the conflict affected my husband has helped me be patient with the repairing process after a fight.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Attempting to Repair with Your Partner After a Fight
Many people can relate to having fights with their significant other that may start off about something as insignificant as dishes, but turn into screaming, crying, doors slamming, or icy silence. Often in these fights, the catalyst is forgotten altogether. Not forgotten are the hurtful words, comments, and general distance felt from each other. No one wants to engage in these kinds of fights. No one wants to say hateful things to a person they love, so why does it keep happening?
Often in my work with couples I see two people who love each other and would give anything to make the nasty fighting STOP. Below are 4 Do’s when engaged in a conflict with your significant other.…read more