Frustrated in your sexual relationship? You are not alone!
Do you want more sex but your partner refuses to even talk about sex?
Do you feel badgered about not having enough sex and are sick and tired of trying to please your partner sexually?
Sex Therapy Katy TX
WHY COUPLES SEEK SEX THERAPY
One of the most common reasons couples seek sex therapy is desire discrepancy. Meaning one person wants lots of sex and the other person is well, less interested.
This can leave couples feeling frustrated and hurt.
One partner often feels cut off sexually, unwanted, undesired, and rejected. They want their partner to WANT to have sex with them. This person may stop initiating sex over the years because they are tired of feeling rejected. Anger and resentment are likely to build up inside.
The other partner may feel broken, like THE PROBLEM, or like something is wrong with them. They want to want to have sex but they cannot find their arousal or desire and they worry about what will happen if they cannot "fix" the problem. They may even become avoidant not wanting to have or even talk about sex.
This is a painful place to be for both partners.
I help couples by uncovering the hurt and the pain under the anger, frustration and shut down.
We unpack:
- What each partner wants and needs when they want sex
- What a pleasurable sexual experience looks and feels like
- We uncover blocks to sexual connection, interest, and desire
- We look for sexual or relationship injuries which create a strain on the relationship and the sexual relationship
- We begin to identify negative patterns in your sexual relationship which create more hurt and strain such as obligatory sex, fighting about sex, or avoidance of sex.
Together we create a therapy plan for what you each want and need in your sexual relationship and how the two of you can work together as a team to create a sexual relationship that is pleasure centered, feels safe, connecting and meets your desires and needs.
WHAT IS SEX THERAPY? (AND WHAT IT IS NOT)
I view sex therapy as a natural extension of couples’ therapy.
Sex, just like many other topics that couples face, can be an area of strength bringing couples closer or an area of tension and distance. In the later instances, it is important that the couples’ sexual relationship be a part of the couples’ therapy.
Sex therapy is talking openly about your sexual relationship without judgment or blame. We discover what is working well, and what is strained, robing you both of pleasure and closeness.
Sex Therapy Katy Texas
YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS A WHOLE IS IMPORTANT
Many partners express fear that sex therapy will hyper focus on sex, sexual outcomes, and ignore other core relationship issues such as trust and connection. The fear being these other important relationship aspects would be over looked with only the goal of rekindling sexual desire. A sole focus on your sexual relationship without including the context of your relationship as a whole would be detrimental and likely unsuccessful.
I believe it is important to get to know you as individuals, as a couple and understand your relationship as a whole. Most often there are factors outside of a couple’s sexual relationship impacting their sexual experiences.
Overlooking relational patterns which foster trust, safety and connection would undermine any focus on the sexual relationship. The couple’s feelings of trust, safety, and connection towards one another foster a relationship where sex can be a joyful expression of love.
Couples are my guide in understanding the parts of their relationship, their lives and their sexual relationship they would like support with in couple’s sessions.
Sex Therapy Katy TX
DO WE TALK SPECIFICS? YES!
I have found that without getting specific and clear when talking about sex we are all talking in code and it not quite clear if we are all on the same page.
So yes, we discuss foreplay, orgasms, masturbation, manual stimulation, intercourse, vulvas, penises, erections, and much more.
If you are cringing reading this, again you are not alone. As you will read below, I too have had the cringe response to talking about all of the above out loud due to my own background.
We can all get through the awkwardness and discomfort together so you can have at least one safe place to talk openly and honestly about your sexual relationship in a way that is clear, safe, and comfortable.
GOALS FOR SEX THERAPY
My goal is for couples to have a comfortable place to discuss their sexual relationship safely without creating more tension and distance. In turn, helping couples move past physical and emotional challenges towards a satisfying relationship and pleasurable sex life. I’m interested in learning from couples what would make sex worth having, then we can create a plan together to work towards the couple’s goals.
COMMON SEXUAL CONCERNS
Low Sexual Desire
According to McCarthy and McCarthy 2020, low sexual desire is the number one problem facing American couples. There are many causes of low desire for both men and women. If you or your partner are experiencing low desire you are not alone. It is a common experience among couples.
Discrepancies in Sexual Desire
McCarthy and McCarthy 2020, report discrepancies in sexual desire, i.e. one partner desiring more frequent sex than their partner, is the second most common problem American couples experience. Discrepancy in sexual desire is probably the sexual concern most depicted in media however contrary to what media depicts, it is not always men who have higher desire and women who have lower. It can go either way.
Other topics commonly addressed in sex therapy:
Erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation, low confidence, lack of response to sexual stimulus, inability to reach orgasm, experiencing pain during penetration, and much more.
TREATMENT APPROACH
- Support couples in becoming a team, to face their sexual struggles together with support, love, and care for each other moving away from blame, frustration and isolation
- Begin to recognize and step out of negative cycles in sexual relationship (communication and behaviors) which pit partners against each other, creating more distance and distress and move towards positive cycles of interaction which promote safety, trust, and ease in the relationship
- Recognize and begin to step out of old performance based sexual scripts which are not working for one or both partners and together discover and create new intentions for sexual experiences which would be pleasurable for both
- Discover what is hitting the sexual breaks for one or both partners. We often focus solely on the “sexual accelerator” not realizing our “emergency break” is on. When we try to have sexual experiences with our “breaks” on it continues to lower our desire. “Breaks” include pressure, stress, anger, and much more.
~MY JOURNEY TO SEX THERAPY
I’ve been a couples’ therapist for over 15 years. Over the years I have noticed the topic of sex felt restricted. It’s normal for couples to feel uncomfortable talking about sex in therapy.
Therefore, it is my role to create a safe place where couples can begin to talk openly about their sexual relationships.
I understand, first hand the discomfort and awkwardness when talking about sex. I grew up in a conservative home with sheltered experiences of sex and sexuality. I received no education or discussion about relationships, sex, sexuality, my changing body or any other topics related to sex.
I internalized the culture messages around sex being taboo and something we should not talk about. Which is why I am working hard to remove barriers to talking about sex, making it safer, more comfortable, less awkward and a little more fun.
In an effort to provide a safe, comfortable and informed space to talk about sexuality and sexual relationships I have received advanced training and supervision in the areas of Couples and Sex Therapy.
I am an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (a min of 1.5 yr long program, including supervision and ongoing training) & an ICEEFT Certified Couples Therapist Supervisor.
Email me to learn more or set up a 15 min consultation.
Michelle