Sliding Door Moments: Opportunities to Be There for Your Partner
Author and researcher, John Gottman, uses the term sliding door moments to describe opportunities to connect with our partners. These are often micro moments of potential to let your partner know you care, you are there for them, and they can count on you. The term sliding door fits well because these occasions can be so fleeting they are easily missed. Mixed in with other blog posts below are real life sliding door moments that I see in relationships all around me, including my own. Some moments were embraced and perhaps created stronger bonds for the couple while others were missed. I hope highlighting these real life sliding door moments in other’s relationships will help you seek out and take advantage of the opportunity they provided to turn towards your partner and build trust in your own relationship.
Sliding Door Moment #6
On one of my guilty pleasure podcasts, For Crying Out Loud, co-hosts Lynette Carolla and Stefanie Wilder-Taylor discussed what they felt like kept their marriages strong after over 15+ years. I loved what Lynette shared. After a disagreement or tense moment between her and her husband, Adam Carolla, before they part on go on about their day her husband will say, “Ok Mama, let’s enjoy…” Lynette has shared in other stories that “Mama” is term of endearment that Adam uses when they talk. Because Lynette cited this as a reason their marriage stays strong I take this to mean Lynette feels Adam genuinely wants her to be ok, them to be ok and wants to enjoy the rest of their day despite their rough moment.
I loved hearing the impact of such a subtle gesture. I believe what Lynette hears from Adam when he says this is something like, “I know we just fought but I still love you. I care about how you are feeling after this fight and I hope we can be in a better place soon.” Wow! Wouldn’t we all love to feel this way after a fight. In reality, we all need to feel this way at some point after a rupture with our partner. I’ll challenge you and myself to try this with our spouses after the next tense moment or fight.
Learn more about John Gottman’s sliding door moments, in the article What Makes Love Last: Sliding Door Moments.
Michelle Puster M.Ed. | Licensed Professional Counselor
Helping disconnected couples grow closer
Katy Couples & Wellness Counseling
Counseling Katy | West Houston
This blog is brought to you by Hold Me Tight | Houston. Hold Me Tight is a 2 day couple’s workshop. Michelle is excited to be presenting this excellent content with two colleagues created by Dr. Sue Johnson in the Houston area on October 20th & 21st. Learn more at Hold Me Tight | Houston.